And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
