we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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