naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
