i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
