I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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