The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
