I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
