Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
