he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
