What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
