Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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