so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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