I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
