watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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