My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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