i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ketchup is God's man juice
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
