I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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