Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i will never coherently bang her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
