elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
