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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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