nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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