Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
