Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
