She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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