cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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