Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
