Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
