You're my little dorito
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize