She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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