You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize