how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
