wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
