My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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