I looked at my own cervix.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
