one might say we're banned from that church
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
