He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
