the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
