guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm like, not good at living.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
