I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
