If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize