I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
