Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
