I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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