I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I faked an abortion last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
