She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize