Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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