I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
