see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize