Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
