currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
