remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jerry, you need to find god
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
