I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize