when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
