I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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