I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
