Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
