I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
