is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
