FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
