That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
