It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
