I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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