No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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