I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
