we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize