I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
