Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
