1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
