My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize