The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
