so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
