Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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