he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
