So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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