like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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