Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
