Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize