The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
