I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
