Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
