why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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