Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
