ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
