So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
