it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize