4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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