Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
