True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i think my cat just said my name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
