friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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