I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
