We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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