piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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