fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize