I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
