Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
