the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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