tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
