I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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