I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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