I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
